Earlier today, I saw a post from a trans woman bashing cis women. Yesterday a gay friend made a crack about lesbians. I'm a little outraged and how not accepting we've become. One group is bashing the other and never taking the time to understand one another. The LGBT community is one that sometimes doesn't want to be grouped together. And I can't blame you - who wants to be defined by a label? Or a letter? You deserve better. We all know that there is strength in numbers.
I'm a cisgender heterosexual married woman. Please don't hate me for it. I think people are beautiful - both men and women. But so much of what we read and hear focuses on that which defines a person, who they love or perhaps lust over. I am sure that most women and men think about sex a lot. Its not specific to an orientation or gender, it is a fact, that we all think about sex and attraction. Is it the first thing that you think when you meet a person? Perhaps but then you have already stopped reading this post and moved on.
If everyone could see a need to support each other and accept differences. In a small community such as the trans community, do you have room for one more supporter? I don't know what struggles you are going though but I be they are similar to those that cis woman have gone through. I can't walk in your shoes... wait, maybe I can. :)
Until recently, I knew very little about what it meant to be transgender. Most people have felt, at times, wishful that they weren't their assigned gender. As a cisgender woman, I have often felt that life would be so much easier if I were a man. In fact, I have thought what is wrong with me? I couldn't imagine the lives my friends were leading - getting married and having babies. In fact, if I could get away without wearing a bra, pantyhose or makeup, I'd would. And the five to seven days of hell each month is something I'd gladly give away. I understand why it makes anyone feel good to dress up, I feel that way too. I also can emphasize what it is like for people to make fun of you, call you names and be hateful.
So let's get the feared question out of the way. If anyone is to support the trans community, understand that certain questions are off limits. Let's be clear - I don't care if you have had surgery or not. I don't ask my cis friends about their genitalia so I'm not going to ask my trans friends about theirs. Genitalia in and of itself doesn't define who the person is inside. Isn't that really what this is all about? There are jerks and assholes in every circle. There are people that are energy zapping and negative at every turn. Those are not beautiful people. Someone who is beautiful inside and out, cares about the unique qualities of other people. God didn't make us all the same. He put people on this earth to challenge our thinking, expand our horizons and grow to make us a more accepting world. God has given us the tools but doesn't do the work for us. God doesn't care who you love as long as you love. God wants us to conquer hate and see people as other human beings.
I have faith that all of us are a little "Genderfull" which is my term for meaning that we encompass both genders with one being more dominant than the other, one that needs to be expressed. Is this really that complicated ? Apparently the law and the bible thumpers feel that it should be crystal clear or black and white. Our country is now made up of people who are multiracial and they are beautiful. In my lifetime, that was illegal at one point. We also had the topic of gay marriage for the last few decades and as of today, 14 states do not have a gay marriage ban. Can't a trans woman or man still be beautiful and a productive part of society? Does it matter that he or she is biologically in a body that doesn't match his or her gender? Do we look back at the 80's and say, wow - those rockers were less of a man because they wore lace,high heeled boots, long hair and makeup? We didn't think about it twice. We assume that they were all cis male but maybe they were not.
As a cis woman, I am outraged that we have a 50% suicide rate among transgender teens and adults. I am outraged that many can't find jobs or are living off the streets. I'm outraged at the number of teenagers whose own families have not accepted them for who they are. How can you disown your own child?
We have to do better. Our society needs us to do better. Our children need us to do better. Wake up America - you don't have to be afraid, you just have to open your eyes and hearts to looking at the humanity that is all around you. Next time you think about donating to a cause in a foreign land, remember the fight that we have here at home to just be equal. Next time instead, donate a smile, a minute of your time to be friendly to the person standing in front of you. Next time, try to think about the person as a human being with feelings and the same fear that you have.
If you need a bathroom buddy, give me a call. I'd gladly share a bathroom with you. I am not afraid to walk along side you and help you up when you need it I am not afraid to go against the grain. I also am not afraid to sleep at night knowing that everyone that I come in contact with has my admiration for being who they are and the strength to not bow to societies pressure to be what they want them to be. For those of you have allowed me into your world, I am grateful to know you and hope to know you better.
Until then...keep smiling .
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