Our three kids are all teenagers and two of the three have been in love almost as often as they take showers. One day our oldest comes to my husband and I with a very serious face and mentioned that she wants to talk to us. She is hoping that we won't get mad at her. Thoughts race through my head...is she pregnant? On drugs? Failing her classes? She got into a fight with another student? Was expelled? I can only imagine what the facial expression looked like that I gave her. She paused, took a deep breath, and said, "I think I'm a lesbian or maybe bisexual." So, I waited for her to say something else...the very terrible thing that she had to tell us. Then I realized that she had just shared a secret that had been weighing heavily on her mind. I jumped up and gave her a big hug and told her that we'd love her no matter who she loves as long as they are good to her. She looked relieved and content like a huge burden had been lifted. We told her that we will always love her no matter what or how hard it is to tell us, we will listen. I was relieved beyond a doubt that this is the "terrible" thing that she had to tell us. Although we know many other parents wouldn't feel the same.
Our daughter is the most kind and open child but has some difficulty relating to people. We just want the very best for her and for her to feel that her home is her safe haven. We want her to know that no matter who she is inside and who she presents to us on the outside, we are love and accept her. This weekend the subject of her crossdressing to look more like a man came up. She drew a beard on her face and discussed binding her chest. The story of Brandon Teena came to mind immediately and parental mode kicks in. She is already bullied by her peers because of her Asperger's. I am sure that other parents might be thinking that their child really needs more love an attention but perhaps we should let her be free to express who she wants to be at this time. We know in the end that she will figure out her own path no matter what that path is. We will be there for her to support her and love her.
If you are a parent and your child struggles with finding themselves and staying true to who they are, don't try to put them in your perfect box, medicate them and send them through painful therapy unless they truly are reaching out and asking for help. I don't want to love the person that is currently our daughter in our family because we had ideas of what her life should be like.
This is part of my mission, to understand, support and love people for who they truly are. It should be everyone's mission. Embrace differences and diversity. Learn from it and you will find that there are a lot of other people out there that if you hadn't judged them would be the most fascinating people you will ever meet.
Challenge yourself to not look at gender as an outward expectation but a small part of the person who resides inside. You may find that you love the person more if the two genders or the dominant gender is allowed to flourish.
Until next time...smile a little more and judge a whole lot less.
Our daughter is the most kind and open child but has some difficulty relating to people. We just want the very best for her and for her to feel that her home is her safe haven. We want her to know that no matter who she is inside and who she presents to us on the outside, we are love and accept her. This weekend the subject of her crossdressing to look more like a man came up. She drew a beard on her face and discussed binding her chest. The story of Brandon Teena came to mind immediately and parental mode kicks in. She is already bullied by her peers because of her Asperger's. I am sure that other parents might be thinking that their child really needs more love an attention but perhaps we should let her be free to express who she wants to be at this time. We know in the end that she will figure out her own path no matter what that path is. We will be there for her to support her and love her.
If you are a parent and your child struggles with finding themselves and staying true to who they are, don't try to put them in your perfect box, medicate them and send them through painful therapy unless they truly are reaching out and asking for help. I don't want to love the person that is currently our daughter in our family because we had ideas of what her life should be like.
This is part of my mission, to understand, support and love people for who they truly are. It should be everyone's mission. Embrace differences and diversity. Learn from it and you will find that there are a lot of other people out there that if you hadn't judged them would be the most fascinating people you will ever meet.
Challenge yourself to not look at gender as an outward expectation but a small part of the person who resides inside. You may find that you love the person more if the two genders or the dominant gender is allowed to flourish.
Until next time...smile a little more and judge a whole lot less.
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