Observations of bright red hair...

After a weekend with my family, I felt compelled to write about some observations that I had.  My oldest daughter has turned 18.  She has Asperger's and is high functioning socially.  Her shortcomings come from not understanding sarcasm from literal comments.  She is incredibly brave and very self confident.  She dresses like she likes to and does it despite being teased by her younger brothers and often immature young adults.  She does not care whether or not someone likes what she is wearing because the simple fact is that she feels that she looks beautiful.  Before I started studying and really understanding gender, I didn't quite understand this concept.  Much of what she wears is a mix between male and female clothes although I wouldn't categorize her as a cross dresser.  Often she covers up her cute hair with a wig. This weekend was no exception as she wore a bright red, long haired wig that beautifully framed her face and was worn in a single straight ponytail in the back.  She walked tall and proud and I found myself not cringing at the thought of what people might say but actually observing with fascination how many people really were mesmerized by her hair and her look.  Perhaps quite similar to Lana Wachowski's quote from an award speech that I love where she talks about how children look at her pink dreadlocks with fascination and think perhaps that normal is defined for you but by you.

While not everyone was kind to our daughter, for the most part people were.  It made me think that perhaps in our small corner of the world that real change is happening.  Even if it is just that her parents are the most accepting of her look and how it makes her feel rather than how we as parents might feel uncomfortable for her.  

This small event in our world, helped me see that beauty doesn't have rules, boundaries or even gender.  Its about loving the person for who they are and giving them the space to be who they are.  This is a lesson that our 18 year old daughter shared with her family.  For this, I am forever grateful to be part of her life.  As parents we need to see past what the expectations are for our children but allow them to grow in a space that is loving and nurturing.  We need to embrace our children, tell them we love them and encourage them to find out what their own "normal" is.  Even when it is hard for us.  Especially for our loved ones in the LGBT community.  They are still our children, friends, family and they need our support.  

What is the next challenge?  Seeing someone you don't know and who is different than you are and offering a kindness to that person.  The world becomes a more beautiful place when you let go of the perceived look of beauty to the real inner beauty that shines through when you allow it to grow. After that, we need to take a stand against those who hurt our children, neighbors, friends, family or even strangers. And in the immortal words of Dee Snider and Twisted Sister, we need to make sure that, "we are not going to take it anymore."