After spending hours researching, reading and quietly championing for transgender and LGB rights, I find myself face to face with the reality of seeing the pain that nonacceptance can cause. I can not even begin to understand how hatred can make people want to hurt someone that they don't know and judge him or her based on a personal bias. Even more disturbing is how people hurt the ones that they are supposed to love?
If your child came to you and told you that he or she is gay or lesbian, would you shun them? If they came to you and said that they were transgender, would you accept it? What if your child tells you that she is bi-sexual and is dating a transgender person? Would you close your eyes and hope that when you open them that they would say "just kidding?" Or would you laugh it off and use derogatory words? Most parents would probably go through a range of emotions from shock to anger to fear saying things like it is just a phase or shrug it off that their child is just "experimenting."
So consider for a moment that your child is smart enough to have known his or her whole life who he or she is. They are scared too. Shouldn't our reaction be of relief? That finally, our children don't have to carry this secret around with them. Fear holds us back from holding our children close and saying that everything is going to be OK, that we love them and that we will support them. We are fearful, not necessarily of who they are but how others may react or treat them. It is this fear that holds us back from accepting our child unconditionally, without judgment or prejudice. In some cases it is our own selfishness that causes the most pain for our children. We worry about how it will reflect on us, the number of grandchildren we will have or how the perfect family Christmas might now be changed.
If the saying is true that you can never fully understand until you've walked a mile in someone's shoes, then stop and put yourself in your child's before reacting. Step back and say that you need time to process the situation before you say something you might regret and can never take back. Words stay with us forever and those that hurt might gradually fade but they will never disappear. Remember that if you choose to not accept the situation, that is your choice and you have to accept the consequences which may include you being ousted from your child's life. Is that what you truly want? And just how does that make life better for anyone?
We tell our children that no matter what, we love them. We accept them, no matter who they are and who they love. We have only one goal in life and that is for our children to be happy, healthy and loved. The rest of the stuff really doesn't matter. Perhaps if all parents made this promise, our world might look a little better today.
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