Observations of bright red hair...

After a weekend with my family, I felt compelled to write about some observations that I had.  My oldest daughter has turned 18.  She has Asperger's and is high functioning socially.  Her shortcomings come from not understanding sarcasm from literal comments.  She is incredibly brave and very self confident.  She dresses like she likes to and does it despite being teased by her younger brothers and often immature young adults.  She does not care whether or not someone likes what she is wearing because the simple fact is that she feels that she looks beautiful.  Before I started studying and really understanding gender, I didn't quite understand this concept.  Much of what she wears is a mix between male and female clothes although I wouldn't categorize her as a cross dresser.  Often she covers up her cute hair with a wig. This weekend was no exception as she wore a bright red, long haired wig that beautifully framed her face and was worn in a single straight ponytail in the back.  She walked tall and proud and I found myself not cringing at the thought of what people might say but actually observing with fascination how many people really were mesmerized by her hair and her look.  Perhaps quite similar to Lana Wachowski's quote from an award speech that I love where she talks about how children look at her pink dreadlocks with fascination and think perhaps that normal is defined for you but by you.

While not everyone was kind to our daughter, for the most part people were.  It made me think that perhaps in our small corner of the world that real change is happening.  Even if it is just that her parents are the most accepting of her look and how it makes her feel rather than how we as parents might feel uncomfortable for her.  

This small event in our world, helped me see that beauty doesn't have rules, boundaries or even gender.  Its about loving the person for who they are and giving them the space to be who they are.  This is a lesson that our 18 year old daughter shared with her family.  For this, I am forever grateful to be part of her life.  As parents we need to see past what the expectations are for our children but allow them to grow in a space that is loving and nurturing.  We need to embrace our children, tell them we love them and encourage them to find out what their own "normal" is.  Even when it is hard for us.  Especially for our loved ones in the LGBT community.  They are still our children, friends, family and they need our support.  

What is the next challenge?  Seeing someone you don't know and who is different than you are and offering a kindness to that person.  The world becomes a more beautiful place when you let go of the perceived look of beauty to the real inner beauty that shines through when you allow it to grow. After that, we need to take a stand against those who hurt our children, neighbors, friends, family or even strangers. And in the immortal words of Dee Snider and Twisted Sister, we need to make sure that, "we are not going to take it anymore."   

Broken but not out.

I've been in the employment industry for over 18 years.  During that time, our company has held the highest integrity by placing the best qualified candidate for a job.  It pains me as the skills market geta tighter and tighter and good people are hard to find. Employers are not willing to look at an employee who is transgender based on a superficial look at the outward appearance of the employee.  We need to have laws that protect employees so that the surprising number of unemployed trans people can find gainful employment and live quality and authentic lives.  The system is broken.  Trans people are cast aside often for fear of misunderstanding by the general employment of the company.  Trans people have skills and talents to bring to our marketplace and are one of the highest unemployed groups in the country.  This story is not about me but about the thousands of people who struggle through transition and employment to keep a roof over their head and food in their bellies.  As a nation, we have a critical mission to help all transgender employees and candidates find and retain gainful employment.  As business owners, we need their skills, expertise and technical knowledge.  By denying them the same federal protections as other workers in our marketplaces, we are not only doing a disservice to quality employees but we are putting them in harms way but having to find alternative means to earn a living.

If we don't act and write our congressmen and women, we are in essence responsible for the tragic murders that take place.  When are we going to stand up for our neighbors, children and friends and fight for those we love?

We need to write our congressmen and women and let them know that this is unacceptable and that action must be taken.  The cycle of hate crimes must be stopped and equality in the workplace is a huge step in fighting this issue.  When our federal government said they are going to enact equality, why isn't the rest of the country and our armed forces following suit?

Write to your congressperson today and let them know that the violence has to stop.

http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/
http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/your-elected-officials
http://www.usa.gov/Contact/State.shtml

Don't look away

The commercials beg us to to help abused and homeless animals for only $1.00 per day. The starving and shoe-less children around the world need adoption for less than the price of a cup coffee per day. While we need to have compassion for all people and animals, we find these images more disturbing and worth our time than helping our neighbors overcome prejudice and discrimination.

You don't have to donate money.  You don't need to adopt a person or four-legged creature.   You just need to not look away. This week I listened to Lana Wachowski's amazing award acceptance speech for the HRC Visibility Award in 2012. (If you haven't watched the video, I highly recommend watching it by clicking here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crHHycz7T_c  )  Lana is one of a kind and quirky but extremely funny and in her description of real life.  As she explains her thoughts of suicide and plan that was thwarted by an older gentleman with over-sized 70's glasses, you realize that each connection that we have is vital to our existence.  A sharply veiled insult can cause pain that we might never see because our connection is so brief.  It is also those brief connections that can make the difference between life and death.

Wachowski's story is fortunately and unfortunately not unique.  There are many people, who because of an act of kindness, are still with us today.  When there seemed no way out, a kind person or a smile gave the person hope even if only for one more day.  We can not deny that the reason behind the staggering suicide rate of non-gender conforming humans is because as we continue to judge versus accept. Perhaps because when we look closely, we see a little bit of our selves in him or her and that terrifies us.

Please smile and engage with people who might need that simple reassurance that they are seen. Today is the day that you can make a difference and not look away.