Don't look away

The commercials beg us to to help abused and homeless animals for only $1.00 per day. The starving and shoe-less children around the world need adoption for less than the price of a cup coffee per day. While we need to have compassion for all people and animals, we find these images more disturbing and worth our time than helping our neighbors overcome prejudice and discrimination.

You don't have to donate money.  You don't need to adopt a person or four-legged creature.   You just need to not look away. This week I listened to Lana Wachowski's amazing award acceptance speech for the HRC Visibility Award in 2012. (If you haven't watched the video, I highly recommend watching it by clicking here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crHHycz7T_c  )  Lana is one of a kind and quirky but extremely funny and in her description of real life.  As she explains her thoughts of suicide and plan that was thwarted by an older gentleman with over-sized 70's glasses, you realize that each connection that we have is vital to our existence.  A sharply veiled insult can cause pain that we might never see because our connection is so brief.  It is also those brief connections that can make the difference between life and death.

Wachowski's story is fortunately and unfortunately not unique.  There are many people, who because of an act of kindness, are still with us today.  When there seemed no way out, a kind person or a smile gave the person hope even if only for one more day.  We can not deny that the reason behind the staggering suicide rate of non-gender conforming humans is because as we continue to judge versus accept. Perhaps because when we look closely, we see a little bit of our selves in him or her and that terrifies us.

Please smile and engage with people who might need that simple reassurance that they are seen. Today is the day that you can make a difference and not look away.

If we are different...when do we truly know?

About five years ago, my whole world changed.  I became a wife and step-mom to three wonderful children and then decided to go back to college in addition to my highly stressful job.  These are the best decisions that I have ever made.  What I didn't expect was how much growing I was going to do as a person and a human.

Our three kids are all teenagers and two of the three have been in love almost as often as they take showers. One day our oldest comes to my husband and I with a very serious face and mentioned that she wants to talk to us. She is hoping that we won't get mad at her.  Thoughts race through my head...is she pregnant? On drugs?  Failing her classes?  She got into a fight with another student? Was expelled? I can only imagine what the facial expression looked like that I gave her.  She paused, took a deep breath, and said, "I think I'm a lesbian or maybe bisexual."   So, I waited for her to say something else...the very terrible thing that she had to tell us.  Then I realized that she had just shared a secret that had been weighing heavily on her mind.  I jumped up and gave her a big hug and told her that we'd love her no matter who she loves as long as they are good to her.  She looked relieved and content like a huge burden had been lifted.  We told her that we will always love her no matter what or how hard it is to tell us, we will listen. I was relieved beyond a doubt that this is the "terrible" thing that she had to tell us.  Although we know many other parents wouldn't feel the same.

Our daughter is the most kind and open child but has some difficulty relating to people.  We just want the very best for her and for her to feel that her home is her safe haven.  We want her to know that no matter who she is inside and who she presents to us on the outside, we are love and accept her.  This weekend the subject of her crossdressing to look more like a man came up.  She drew a beard on her face and discussed binding her chest.  The story of Brandon Teena came to mind immediately and parental mode kicks in.  She is already bullied by her peers because of her Asperger's. I am sure that other parents might be thinking that their child really needs more love an attention but perhaps we should let her be free to express who she wants to be at this time.  We know in the end that she will figure out her own path  no matter what that path is.  We will be there for her to support her and love her.

If you are a parent and your child struggles with finding themselves and staying true to who they are, don't try to put them in your perfect box, medicate them and send them through painful therapy unless they truly are reaching out and asking for help.  I don't want to love the person that is currently our daughter in our family because we had ideas of what her life should be like.

This is part of my mission, to understand, support and love people for who they truly are.  It should be everyone's mission.  Embrace differences and diversity.  Learn from it and you will find that there are a lot of other people out there that if you hadn't judged them would be the most fascinating people you will ever meet.

Challenge yourself to not look at gender as an outward expectation but a small part of the person who resides inside.  You may find that you love the person more if the two genders or the dominant gender is allowed to flourish.
Until next time...smile a little more and judge a whole lot less.