Observations of bright red hair...

After a weekend with my family, I felt compelled to write about some observations that I had.  My oldest daughter has turned 18.  She has Asperger's and is high functioning socially.  Her shortcomings come from not understanding sarcasm from literal comments.  She is incredibly brave and very self confident.  She dresses like she likes to and does it despite being teased by her younger brothers and often immature young adults.  She does not care whether or not someone likes what she is wearing because the simple fact is that she feels that she looks beautiful.  Before I started studying and really understanding gender, I didn't quite understand this concept.  Much of what she wears is a mix between male and female clothes although I wouldn't categorize her as a cross dresser.  Often she covers up her cute hair with a wig. This weekend was no exception as she wore a bright red, long haired wig that beautifully framed her face and was worn in a single straight ponytail in the back.  She walked tall and proud and I found myself not cringing at the thought of what people might say but actually observing with fascination how many people really were mesmerized by her hair and her look.  Perhaps quite similar to Lana Wachowski's quote from an award speech that I love where she talks about how children look at her pink dreadlocks with fascination and think perhaps that normal is defined for you but by you.

While not everyone was kind to our daughter, for the most part people were.  It made me think that perhaps in our small corner of the world that real change is happening.  Even if it is just that her parents are the most accepting of her look and how it makes her feel rather than how we as parents might feel uncomfortable for her.  

This small event in our world, helped me see that beauty doesn't have rules, boundaries or even gender.  Its about loving the person for who they are and giving them the space to be who they are.  This is a lesson that our 18 year old daughter shared with her family.  For this, I am forever grateful to be part of her life.  As parents we need to see past what the expectations are for our children but allow them to grow in a space that is loving and nurturing.  We need to embrace our children, tell them we love them and encourage them to find out what their own "normal" is.  Even when it is hard for us.  Especially for our loved ones in the LGBT community.  They are still our children, friends, family and they need our support.  

What is the next challenge?  Seeing someone you don't know and who is different than you are and offering a kindness to that person.  The world becomes a more beautiful place when you let go of the perceived look of beauty to the real inner beauty that shines through when you allow it to grow. After that, we need to take a stand against those who hurt our children, neighbors, friends, family or even strangers. And in the immortal words of Dee Snider and Twisted Sister, we need to make sure that, "we are not going to take it anymore."   

Fear is more deadly than a gun

For 42 years I was ignorant.  As much as I hate to admit it, I was. For years I had supported my gay and lesbian friends and their fight for equality but I didn't know much and still don't about the "T" in LGBT.   Perhaps I was just naive or I was too caught up in my own world to care.  Or perhaps because it wasn't something that I was exposed to, that I never thought to learn about what it meant to be transgender. In reality, it took several experiences to open my eyes and my mind. It is when I learned that there is such fear about the trans community from many groups and that fear turns to hatred or disgust.  Its very scary and a waste of so much talent and wonderful human beings.

This past weekend, an activist and trans woman was yet another victim of violence.  While the facts are still unknown, violence and hate crimes against transgender women and men is extremely high.  We have enough issues with terrorists and schools shootings to have these hate crimes continue.  Aren't human beings who contribute to society important enough for anyone to take a stand?  It is so senseless, cruel and immoral.

Last June, I watched a report on AC 360 by Anderson Cooper.  He was interviewing, retired Navy SEAL, Kristin Beck.  It was with curiosity and amazement that this woman sitting before Anderson was in the toughest, hyper-masculine career available that I continued to watch the interview.  They talked about Beck's book and my immediate curiosity made me want to go out and purchase a copy to learn more.  However, it would be eight months later that I would finally order a copy off of Amazon as part of a research project for a college course on prejudice and discrimination.  The project was to research an oppressed group in society, past or present and discuss the ways that the group was oppressed. Also we needed to answer the question if they still are oppressed today.  I picked up Kristin's book (which I am not naming due to the fact that I've since learned that it is not entirely accurate) as well as My Husband Betty and She's Not the Man I Married by Helen Boyd. These were real life stories of people, fascinating people that made me rethink the role that gender has in our life and question the importance of living a binary gender life.

However, there was one thing that kept replaying in my head from that interview many months ago.  Kristin said, "I don't want you to love me. I don't want you to like me. But I don't want you to beat me up and kill me." These comments were being said by someone that is trained to be tougher than tough. A former U.S. Navy SEAL.  How does someone deal with that fear each and every day when they are not trained to protect themselves?  Why is there so much hatred and violence towards other human beings who are not doing anything but being authentic?   Perhaps this is too much to expect from a world that is fascinated by The Jersey Shore and The Kardashian's.

It should not be shocking that many transgender men and women grapple with such depression and suicidal thoughts. Society doesn't understand but worse, it doesn't try to.   The suicide attempt rate for transgender adults is over 50%.  For many it the tipping point to start the transition to leading a more authentic life. This is where I find the most hope for change.  If there is one thing we can do as ally's, it is to make sure to recognize the signs and have open dialogues with the people closest to us. Many transgender men and women find themselves working off the streets and being homeless because families have shut them out. As a parent, shouldn't you love your child, regardless?  Would you love your child less if they were born with one arm?  Why cast them aside if they are transgender? It just doesn't make sense.  A person is a person, with a heart and soul.  Come on parents, we can do better. Give your kids a hug, look them in the eye and make sure they hear you when you tell them that you love them unconditionally.  Believe in your child and the special gift that they are if they express that they are different.

What else can we do? We have to make stronger laws that protect trans individuals and prosecute violence on transgender men and women.  Why?  Because we have is a fundamental flaw in our society; one that rejects anything that is different.  If we don't have laws, people take it upon themselves to be sheriff, judge and jury and inflict their own justice.  We need to treat the trans community as equal.But not just the trans community but all human beings.   It is not a time to judge, its a time to embrace.  If you think that saying a couple of prayers after spewing hateful things will get you into Heaven faster, you might be in for a rude awakening on judgment day.  There is no express lane to the Lord.

Kristin Beck among others continue to do activist work in order to provide protections all of our citizens. Her strength and ability to motivate people to action through education is critical to fighting these issues.

She is currently the spokesperson for Trans Violence Tracking Portal to help end violence for transgender men and women. She fought for 20 years for Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness and is continuing the fight so that the estimated 700,000 trans people her in the United States have those same privileges.

Suggested resources and donate to help the cause.

Suicide Help
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now
Report Violent Acts and Hate Crimes
http://www.transviolencetracker.com/
Lady Valor
http://ladyvalor.com/